The Nightmare Begins

(Shows an Irken in his vootrunner. He types something in a few times a presses the screen.
Shows more vootrunners going towards the convention hall.
A screen with the Irken announcer flies around)

Irken Announcer: Welcome, brave Irken soldiers! Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please proceed to the docking range and take the complimentary teleporters to the planets surface.

(Irken soldiers teleport in)

Announcer Irken. Be sure to visit our gift shop for all kinds of cheap useless stuff! If youre here for the Great Assigning, please remember where you parked and proceed to the main convention hall.

(Irken soldier walk into a building with a robotic red guy on top)

Red Guy: Galactic conquest is here! Galactic conquest is here! Galactic conquest is here! Galactic conquest is here! Galactic conquest is here!

Announcer Irken: Now, wiggle your antennas because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders, the Almighty Tallests!

(Some Irken soldiers are standing in the back of the platform. Smoke comes out of the bottom as a platform rises. Laser thingys go to the ceiling and lasers come out. The platform comes down and the Almighty Tallests are on it, waving. The Irken crowd cheers)

Almighty Tallest Purple: Thank you! Thank you!

Almighty Tallest Red: (elbowing Purple) See, I told you theyd like the lasers!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Everythings lasers with you! I say, smoke machines are what the people really- (shot by a laser) AW! My eye! (falls down)

Almighty Tallest Red: See?

(Platform lands)

Almighty Tallest Red: Welcome brave Irken soldiers! (Purple gets up) You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. (points behind him and looks back at the crowd) Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we have chosen for roles in the most crucial parts of Operation Impending Doom II. (Map appears behind Tallests) You all in the audience just get to sit and watch!

Almighty Tallest Purple: You should have tried harder!

Almighty Tallest Red: These superior soldiers, (points to the Irkens behind him)

Almighty Tallest Purple: Not as superior as us, of course. (goes in front of Red)

Almighty Tallest Red: Duh. (goes in front of Purple) These less superior, but still, quite superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy planet.

Almighty Tallest Purple: Then you will blend in with the hideous, native inhabitants.

Almighty Tallest Red: All while gathering crucial information assessing the planets weakness making it vulnerable to our big, space-ship, gang!

Almighty Tallest Purple: (eying Red) The Armada? Now, let the assigning begin!

An Irken in the Back: WOOOOOOOO!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Step forward, Invade Lard.

(A ramp appears and Invader Lard goes up it to the platform and faces the Tallests)

Almighty Tallest Red: Ah, it seems that you have grown since the last time you stood before us, soldier!

Almighty Tallest Purple: You have been assigned to the planet Blorch! Home of the slaughtering rat people!

(A picture if the slaughtering rat people surrounding Invader Lard comes up)

Lard: (One tear falls from his eyes) Why did you draw that?

Almighty Tallest Red: However, because of your increased height, we have decided to give you the planet Vort! (picture changes to a picture with Lard laying down on a huge couch) Home of the universes most comfortable couch!

Lard: Yes! (runs down the ramp and off the platform)

Almighty Tallest Purple: Next! Invader Spleen!

Almighty Tallest Red and Purple: Oooooooo!

(Scene Change: Space: Zim is shown in his vootrunner rushing to the Great Assigning. *Im assuming he didnt really pass it drivers test*)

Zim: Move it! Move it! Move it! Out of my way! (his ship gets squashed in between two other big vootrunners)

Almighty Tallest Purple: And last! Invader Scoodge!

Almighty Tallest Red: (Scoodge steps up to the platform and Almighty Tallests look way down on him) Oh, now that's just sad!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Can you possibly get any shorter!?

Almighty Tallest Red: You will be assigned to Blorch, (changes picture to a picture with slaughtering rat people surrounding Scoodge) home of the slaughtering rat people. (Scoodges eyes are filled with tears)

Zim: (pushing through crowd) Get outta my way! Move, youre in my way! Move it! Move it!

Almighty Tallest Red: This concludes the great assigning! Help yourself to some nachos and we'll see you at the equipment station!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Yes! Gorge yourselves! You moochicks!

Zim: (finally gets to the platform) (raises his hand) NO! NO! NO! NO! WAIT!

Almighty Tallest Red: That voice!

Almighty Tallest Purple: No, it can't be!

Almighty Tallest Red and Purple: ZIM!

(Zim climbs up the platform and stands next to Scoodge. We see that Scoodge is taller than Zim just by a little)

Zim: (bows) Sorry I am late, my Tallests! I couldn't find my invitation! Youre lucky I made it at all!

Almighty Tallest Red: You weren't invited at all!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Weren't you banished to Food Courtia? Shouldn't you be... frying something?

Zim: Oh, I quit when I found out about this!

Almighty Tallest Purple: You quit being banished?!

Almighty Tallest Red: The Assigning is over, Zim!

Zim: But you can't have an invasion without me! I was in Operation Impending Doom I! Don't you remember?!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Oh, yes, we remember!

(Scene change: Goes to the past. Sirens are being heard. Two Irken soldiers run for cover near a vootrunner. A huge robots foot is seen smashing it. It goes to inside of the robot and there is Zim pulling levers laughing manically with a few other Irkens in there controlling the robot too. They are all worried)

Zim: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Irken Soldier: But sir! We're still on our own planet!

Zim: Silence! Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs! You, pull some levers! Pull some levers!

(The Tallests watch from inside a building near a window. Zim in the robot ravages and destroys everything. It then goes back to the present)

Zim: (with a sheepish and embarrassed smile) I put the fires out!

Almighty Tallest Red: You made them worse!

Zim: Worse? Or Better?

Almighty Tallest Purple: (sighs) Besides... No Invader has ever been so-very small. Youre very small, Zim. Youre a tiny thing!

Zim: But Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant radioactive rubber pants! The pants command me! Do not ignore my veins! (holds his arms out and looks away)

Almighty Tallest Red: As a show of gratitude for your service in the past- here's a sandwich. (hands Zim a sandwich)

Zim: But-

Almighty Tallest Purple: Thanks for commin everybody!

Zim: No . . . No . . . Wait!

Almighty Tallest Purple: What? You got your sandwich!

Zim: My Tallests! An opportunity to prove that I can truly be an Invader is all that I ask! Gimmie! (hugs sandwich)

Almighty Tallest Red: (whispers to Purple) Hold on, I have a plan! (to Zim) We see now that you are truly deserving!

Zim: Yes, yes I am.

Almighty Tallest Red: You will be sent to a planet so mysterious no one has even heard of it!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Yes! And thoughts who have heard of it, dare not speak its name!

Zim: What's its name?

Almighty Tallest Purple: Oh, I dare not speak it!

Zim: (thinks for a moment) Where is it?

Almighty Tallest Red: Um . . . (he scans the map and sees and piece of paper all the way at the end that says Planet?) Right there!

Zim: Ooooo! A secret mission!

Almighty Tallest Red: Happy now?

Zim: Yes.

Almighty Tallest Red: Invaders! Report to the equipment hall! And remember- (lowers voice) Lasers! (Purple gets hit in the eye again)

Almighty Tallest Purple: AHHHHHH!!!

Almighty Tallest Red: (continues) It's only a matter of time until all races of the universe will serve the Irken Empire! (the Irkens cheer) And Curly fries!

(Close up of the paper that says Planet?. It turns into stars, into Earth, into the US, into a state, into Dibs house, into the roof, and into Dib)

Dib: They're coming! (Dib off of roof on the side of the house down what looks like some kind of drainpipe)

Gaz: Dib drank the last soda. (clenches fists) He will pay!

Dib: (Dib swings into the window and lands in the sink and gets wet) They're coming! (jumps down and runs to Professor Membrane) Dad! They're coming! I heard them! I actually heard them! I was up on the roof and I heard this transmission that was coming through!

Professor Membrane: Shhhh! Not now, son! I'm making- (bolts of electricity appear when he turns to his work) Toast! (holds up toast)

Dib: (goes to Gaz) They're coming! They really are!

Gaz: Who's coming, Dib? (she has a juice box in her hand)

Dib: (Looks out of the window at the stars) I don't know.

(Scene change: Back to Conventia in the Equipment Station)

Almighty Tallest Purple: This is your Standard Issue Information Retrieval Unit, also known as a SIR. It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge during your mission!

Almighty Tallest Red: It's also a thermos!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Who wants this one?!

Irken Invader: I do! (Purple throws it at him, there is a loud clash) Thank you.

Almighty Tallest Red: Everyone else, line up and take a robot!

(All the Irken Invaders line up including Zim. The SIRs come down a wire thing that comes out near the Tallests)

Lard: (the first Sir pops out of his closed position and stands up) SIR! Go and warm up my ships engines!

SIR: Yes master! I obey!

(Zim cuts in front of a female Invader before him and runs to the SIRs)

Zim: Finally! A robot slave of my own! (clenches fists)

Almighty Tallest Red: (smiling) Uh, we have a top secret model for you, Zim (Red waves his hand over a spot on the ground and a trash can come up. He starts to put together a SIR from garbage and junk)

(Purple stands in front of Zim so he cant see Red, reaches into waist and brings out some stuff including a penny, bubble gum, a paper clip, and other stuff and hands them to Red. Red puts them into the robots head and closes the head. Purple imitates the sound of a robot going down the wire and he drops the robot)

Zim: It looks kind of-Not good.

Almighty Tallest Purple: Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think! Get it?

Zim: I see! Very good! It even fooled me! I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology! (the Almighty Tallests laugh)

GIR: (stand up with his eyes flashing red) GIR! Reporting for duty!

Zim: GIR? What does the G stand for?

GIR: (eyes turn blue) I dont know. (starts to hit himself with both his hands) WEEEEEHEEEEHEHE! WAHOOOO! EH EH EH! (jumps around on his head)

Zim: Um. . . . Is it supposed to be stupid?

Almighty Tallest Purple: It's not stupid! It's advaaaaaaanced! (The Tallests laugh as GIR keeps on jumping on his head)

(All the Invaders vootrunners start to leave for their planet. Zims vootrunner goes in a completely different direction than all of the Invaders)

Zim: (In vootrunner) Ok, GIR! Our mission begins now! let us rain some doom down upon the doomed heads of our doomed enemies!

GIR: I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom . . .

((Commercial Break))

6 months later . . .

GIR: (Zim is drooling) Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom!

Zim: GIR? Would you please stop singing?

GIR: Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doomie doomie doomie doom! (Zim is about to attack GIR) Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom!

The Computer: Proximate warning! Planet ahead!

Zim: (looks out vootrunner window and sees PLANET EARTH) GIR! We're here! We're finally here!

GIR: (while still singing the doom song, he holds his hand up to Zim telling him to be quiet) Doom doom doom doom doom doom! The end! Oooooooo! What's that?

Zim: Planet Earth! This must be the place! Ok, first off, we have to set up a base of operations! (GIR is laughing) Focus, GIR! This is where your advanced information gathering skills come in handy!

GIR: Yes, my master! (eyes turn red, but only for a little while, he goes up to the window and sees the Earth thingys)

Zim: You have to observe what these... Earthenoids consider to be normal! Then, based on your observations, we make our disguises and home. (They both look out the window and observe human houses and lawn decorations and they find a piece of deserted land between two houses) Here! We build here! (They land and Zim gets out of the vootrunner and looks around) Wooooohoo! That was easy! GIR! Get down here! (GIR comes out of the vootrunner and tumbles down) Hurry, GIR! What did you learn?

GIR: I saw a squirrel! It was doin like this! (GIR goes in a squirrel position and starts acting like one)

Zim: Concentrate, GIR! It is time for disguises!

GIR: I wanna be a mongoose!

Zim: Shhhhhhhh! We have to be quiet! (GIR salutes and his eyes turn red while Zim goes to his vootrunner and a screen thing comes up with disguises shown on it) (The first choice comes up and it is Jhonen Vasquez, creator of Invader Zim) Too ugly! (Second choice comes up and it is Steve Russell, director of Invader Zim) Too stinky! (The next choice comes up: A Zim with a wig and contacts) That one looks good! (purple barrier things close in on Zim) Why does it hurt! (After a few seconds, the barrier opens and Zim steps out in his disguise)

GIR: (looks around) Master! Where did you go? Where are you?

Zim: (waves arms) I'm right here, GIR! It's me! And keep quiet! Do you want to wake up the whole planet

GIR: I do.

Zim: Ok, for you, I'm thinking maybe a dog!

GIR: Can I be a mongoose dog?

Zim: (Zim looks through a few choices of dogs and stops on the third one: it looks pretty big) Today, we become the enemy! (Zim pushes GIR into the purple barrier and GIR comes out with a green zipper doggy suit) Ingenious! And now for a home! Lets see! (takes out an Irken tool and starts to draw with it) A few of windows! A couple of those little animal things in front! There! (closes tool and sets it in the ground; it starts to drill down) GIR! Hide! (they run into the street behind a fire hydrant) And be quiet! We can't afford to make a sound!

(The house and underground labs begin to form and it makes a TON of noise. The neighbors look outside to see what is going on. Zim picks up GIR's leash and walks to his front door and inside whistling. GIR sort of drags behind first but then he begins a sort of skip to the house)

Parent Decoys: (open door) Welcome home, son!

Zim: (Zim goes, shuts the door, leans on the door and wipes his forehead) Wooooo! Step one went smoooooothly! (Zim and GIR walk into the kitchen; GIR steps on the trashcan pedal open trashcan; Zim goes down the trashcan and underground in the elevator in a tube) The Tallests were wise to choose me! This planet wont know what hit it after I learn its weaknesses! (rubs eyes) Oh, these lenses are all scratchy! (lands in this seat with some kind of computer in front of him and types something) Now, to find the best possible way of "learning" about this sathid filthy little planet! The more we know, the sooner we can concur this spinning ball of filthy! That hurts!

(Skool shows up on screen. Skool bell rings)

Ms. Bitters: Class, I would like to introduce the newest hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is Zim. Zim, if you have something to say, say it now. Because after this moment, (snakes her neck around Zim) I don't want to hear another sound from you!

Zim: Hello, friends! I am a perfectly normal human worm baby! You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me! Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine.

(Dibs mouth is dropped down and is pointing to Zim)

Ms. Bitters: Take your seat now, Zim. (Zim waves his arms as he sits down in his seat next to Brian, in front of Zita) Today's lecture is about outer space and how it will eventually implode on itself. (Zim raises his hand) Yes, Zim?

Zim: In the event of say a full scale alien invasion, how well prepared would this planet's defenses be? Tell me!

Ms. Bitters: (looks at him as if hes crazy) As I was saying, the Universe is just doomed! Doomed . . . Doomed . . . Doomed! (bug crawls up her neck and continues on saying Doomed)

Dib: Ok... am I the only one here who sees the alien sitting in class? (everyone looks around the room and at each other) There! (points to Zim) Right there! (Zim is sweating): That is no kid! He's an alien! An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about! He's here to conquer Earth!

(Zim is about to press a self destruct button that is on his arm)

Zita: Not this again! Your crazy!

(Zim puts it away)

Dib: What about his horrible green head?

Zim: Insolent Skool boy! It's a skin condition.

Dib: And he's got no ears! (stands on desk) Is that part of your skin condition, Zim? No ears?

Zim: (looks down and says it like an ashamed innocent person) Yes.

Tae: Man Dib, You think just cause someones is different, you can call them an alien?

Brian: I guess old kids an alien too, huh?

(Screen goes to Old Kid in the back of the room)

Old Kid: How's it goin?

Dib: Look! This is us! (walks up to the black board and points to a picture of a caveman) Over here! (points to a drawing of Zim) is Zim! See the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Questions?

The Letter M: Yeah, what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and seeing Bigfoot in you garage!

Dib: He was using the belt sander.

Zim: Yeah! He's always saying stuff! I remember that one time! Whoo!

Dib: Hey! You just got here! Don't let him trick you! I know what I'm talking about! And there it is! Sitting right there! (points to Zim)

Students Voice: Well, he does look pretty weird! (the words weird flash up on the screen in front of Zims face)

Another Students Voice: Yeah! And he is sitting! (the words "sitting" flash up on the screen)

Dib: See? Actual proof that all I've been saying is actually right! Finally! A way to prove that I'm-that I'm- that
I'm. . .

Zim: (disguises his voice) Crazy!

Zita: Ok, not that makes sense!

Brian: And I almost believed him!

Dib glares at Zim. Zim glares at Dib.

Ms. Bitters: Doomed . . .doomed . . . doomed . . . Go home now!

(Skool bell rings and everyone rushes out the skool door. Some kids squish through the window and to get outside. Zim goes out the door and down the steps)

Dib: Zim! (Dib goes through the doors) Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everybody else, but I'll get them to see the truth!

Zim: How? No one will believe you!

Dib: They'll believe if I took you to them without your disguise! (Takes handcuffs out from pocket) I ordered this from one of my UFO Zines!

Zim: Ooooo, pretty. What is it?

Dib: Alien Handcuffs! Guaranteed to strike any alien life form unconscious!

Zim: How do you know that it works if you've never found a real alien before?

Dib: (smiles evilly) I'm gonna find out right now! (jumps towards Zim and starts to chase Zim)

Zim: Ahhhhhhhhhh! (Dib chases him down the street bumping and running into skool children) Leave me alone! I just want to go home and be all normal!

(Zim runs into the crossing guard which causes Dib to fall down. Zim runs into an alley, swinging on a clothes line, but finds himself meeting Dib with the handcuffs waiting for him. Zim bumps into oranges that tumble out and stalls Dib. Zim runs in front of a car and onto an ice cream truck)

Ice Cream Truck: You like ice cream! You like ice cream! You love it! You can not resist ice cream! Resisting is hopeless! Your life is meaningless without ice cream! (Dib jumps up onto truck)

Dib: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! (Zim jumps onto the skool bus and Dib follows): They might even name your alien autopsy video after me!

(Zim almost falls off, but clings to the bus. Then he does fall off, but lands on top of a fence. Dib is still on top of the skool bus)

Zim: See ya, Dib! Pitiful HUMAN!

(A vicious dog jumps up and grabs Zim. His boot flies off. He "beats up" Zim. Dib jumps off the bus and jumps onto the fence. He looks for Zim while standing on the fence. Meanwhile, Zim crawls out, all beaten up through a gap at the bottom of the fence and puts his boot back on. He sees Dib up there and takes the perfect opportunity. He pushes Dib down in the clutches of the dog. He smiles and a speaker thingy come out from his back)

Zim: GIR! Help me! There isn't much time! (GIR zooms down the street to Zim with rockets coming out from his back): Get me out of here now, GIR! NOW!

GIR: Okie dokie!

Zim: (Zim is on GIRs back) Hey! Wait a minute! Watch out-ahhhhhhhhhh! (They ride home, leaving a very noticeable trail of smoke behind.

Dib crawls out of the fence. First thinking he lost Zim, he sees the smoke, and smiles. He follows the smoke.

Zim: (GIR and Zim arrive at home, crashing into the door) Good work, GIR.

Dib: There you are. (Dib walks into Zims yard)

Zim: GIR! Get in the house!

Parent Decoys: (door opens and Zim and GIR go in) Welcome home, son!

Dib: Your little tricks wont fool me, Zim! (pounds on door) I know where you live, now!

GIR: Your friend is at the window!

Dib: You can't hide forever! And if you can, then I'll wait forever! (lawn gnome turns and aims for the handcuffs) I have been preparing for this all my life! (the gnome shoots lasers from his eyes at the handcuffs and it disintegrates)
OK! I'm gonna to go home now! To prepare some more! But all be back! From here to the ends of the Earth,
Zim . . .

Zim: I feel good about how today went.

Dib: To the depths of the oceans . . .

(Scene changes and the Tallests are at their vootrunner (space station?). They are sitting in chairs drinking something with straws in a cup. Irkens are at the controls)

Irken: Incoming transmission from . . . Earth?

Almighty Tallest Purple: (gulps) What is-Earth?

Zim: Invader Zim reporting, sirs! The mission goes well! (Reds cup drops and the straw remains in his mouth) But surely you expected that from me! (GIRs head is popping up on top of the monitor upside down)

Almighty Tallest Red: Zim? Youre alive?

Zim: Yes! So very alive! And full of goo: Mission Goo! Don't be surprised if I take care of the humans before the armada even gets here! Well, I have much work to do so, Invader Zim! Signing off! (GIR finally falls down and lands on top of Zim, Zim falls down) My spine! (the monitor goes stactic and the Tallests give each other blank looks)