Chapter 3
SIR vs. GIR

It was Friday night, 8:50. Dib opened his front door and headed outside. He started walking to Star Point. He walked a couple of blocks and turned right at the corner. He went into the Levon's Park and started going through the forest. He finally arrived at a clearing: Star Point.
It was beautiful tonight. It wasn't called Star Point for nothing. The sky was sprinkled with twinkling stars. There was a full moon, and it lighted up the violet night sky. The trees danced with the wind as the lake below the cliff glistened with light. Dib spotted the bench, about a couple of yards away from the cliff and saw Kree there. It was 9:00.
"Hey, glad you made it." She smiled.
"I wouldn't miss it." Dib winked as he sat down next to her.
Then, Kree hear a small quiet whistling sound. Kree looked up and saw a bright light fly across the night sky.
"Wow, isn't that pretty, a comet." Said Dib.
Kree took out a pair of computerized binoculars. She looked at the light. She saw a symbol that made her gasp. "That is no comet . . ."

Zim's house . . .

"Identified flying object." His computer blinked.
"Identified? Computer, what is it?" Zim questioned. Immediately, the Irken symbol flashed to the screen. "Irkens? What are they doing? This is my planet!" Zim yelled. "GIR! Come here!" Zim called but GIR did not come. "GIR?" Zim put his disguise back on and used the elevator up. Zim found GIR watching the Scary Monkey Show upstairs. Zim sighed and went to the TV knob to turn it off.
"Noooooooo! Master, please don't turn it off! I love this show!"
Zim turned the TV off. Tears swelled up in GIR's eyes. "Okay fine." Zim sighed. He turned the TV back on.
"Yay!" GIR shouted.
"But after this, we investigate! Understand?" Zim ordered. He glanced at the screen and sat down on the couch with GIR. "What is this show about, anyway . . ."

Monday, at skool . . .

"Class, meet the newest and hopeless case of a student." Ms. Bitters started. She pointed to the boy next to her. "His name is Zair."
Kree barely looked up. It was a normal looking boy. He had neat brown hair, regular skin, no weird looking clothes. Kree and Dib hardly cared. He looked nothing like Zim.
Zim looked up too. "Just another human dirtball." He thought. "But something about him seems so, well familiar."
"Take your seat, Zair. Today's lesson is about the ocean, and eventually, how it will implode on itself." Ms. Bitters shouted.
Zair took his seat in the back of the room. Zim looked back at him a few times, studying him carefully. "Something about him is very, inhuman." Zim thought.
Kree didn't care much about the new boy, but she too, felt the presence of something strange. She glanced at the new boy: he was staring out the window. She watched him the whole day, observing his every move, making sure no one caught her always looking at him. Soon, skool was over and everyone anxiously ran out.
Kree went up to Zair. "I know who you are and where you come from. Your tricks and disguise don't fool me." She glared.
"What are you talking about?" Zair pretended to sound innocent.
"You're an Irken Invader, aren't you? Don't lie to me!"
"Irken Invader? You have some imagination, Kree. What is an Irken Invader? Some kind of alien creature?"
"Don't mock me, Invader Zair. Don't try pretending, either. I saw your ship the other night. I don't know why you're here, when Zim is here, but maybe that's the reason. Maybe the Tallests sent you to replace him. I don't know why, yet, but I will found out." Kree glowered.
Zair sneered at her and walked away.
Dib walked up to Kree. He glanced at her. "You look a little, well, angry. What's wrong?" He asked.
"Zair irks me." Kree replied.
"Oh."
"I have a strong sense I know what Zair is and I'm gonna spy on him. Wanna come, Dib?" Kree asked.
"Are you kidding?" Of course I wanna come!" Dib replied. "Spying on new people, something that's worthwhile. Let's go!"
Zim's house . . .

"GIR, I think I may have found that Irken's base. Then I can go talk to him or her and find out what's going on." Zim explained. "Computer, find out which Irken Invader is here."
The screen began to show an invader who was fairly tall, with a purple SIR, who looked very familiar.
"Invader-" Zim started to read.
"Master! You have a visitor!" GIR yelled happily. "He's in the living room!"
"You let him in? GIR! You just endangered our base and mission!" Zim yelled. "Was it Dib?"
"Uh, no." GIR replied. "He's got a dog with him too!"
"Get into your disguise, now, GIR!" Zim ordered. Zim put his wig and lenses on. GIR got into his puppy suit. He and GIR went upstairs on the toilet elevator.
"I wonder if he likes the Scary Monkey Show . . ." Said GIR.
They arrived on the main floor and they saw Zair in the living room. A purple puppy was with him. He wore different clothing, similar to the clothing the Irken Invader (who was also on Earth) had.
"Zair, what are you doing here?" Zim asked. Zair pushed him back and Zim crashed into a table. "Who are you? Why are you here?" Zim questioned.
"Why Failure Zim, I'm surprised you don't remember me." Zair snickered. He took an Irken cleansing cloth and wiped his face until it was all green. Then, he took off his wig and lenses.
"Zair, my rival." Zim glared.
"Zim, my rival who had no competition against me. You were always the worst in class. You couldn't do anything right. You could do so much as invade a piece of sand. I'm surprised the Tallests actually sent you here." Zair taunted.
"Why are you here, Zair?" Zim questioned. "This is MY planet!"
"Since my last invasion was a complete success, the Tallests said I could choose any planet, and invade it. I thought it would be fun to invade the planet you were on." Zair mocked.
"What makes you think you're going to invade Earth?" Zim retorted.
"Oh I will, you'll see. Somehow, I'll send you crawling back to Irk." Zair boasted. "I will be Lord of All Humans and I will conquer Earth. You know, you must be embarrassing for you to let a human to find out who you are." Zair laughed. "It must have been your stupidity to let the human find out your identity."
"Actually, these two humans are pretty intelligent." Zim sneered. "Wait a minute, why am I defending Dib and Kree?"
"Oh, and there is another human who knows? Even more disgraceful!" Zair started for the door. "See ya, Zim." Zair smirked and left with the purple puppy following him. Zim shut the door.
"Not for long, Zair." Zim muttered. "This planet is mine . . ."
Dib turned to Kree as they watched from the window. "Interesting conversation . . ." Dib murmured.
"I know, wasn't it? But I bet this, Zair, can be a threat to the invasion of Earth." Kree replied.
"You bet? He will?"
"I am going to spy on Zair's house, learn all his defenses and stuff. I don't really need to ask you if you want to come along, right?" Kree asked.
Dib grinned. "Let's go."

Next day at skool . . .

Kree walked into the classroom with Dib. Everyone was there, including Zair. Kree took her seat. She looked behind her and saw Zair staring at her. He looked at her very strangely, not like he had done before, she noted. It was a look that even Zim never gave her. In fact, there was no hatred or evil in his look. She turned away, but she still felt Zair looking at her. "What is he doing?" She thought.
After skool was over, Dib and Kree started walking to Zim's house.
"I think I've learned all of Zair defenses, now." Dib noted as he and Kree walked down the sidewalk.
"Yeah, same for me. Zair's are a little tighter than Zim's, but they're similar." Kree remarked.
They stopped in front of Zim's house. Dib glanced at Kree. "So, anyway, how did you find out that Zair was coming here at 4:00 PM?" Dib asked.
"I overheard Zair talking to Zim at lunch. They're supposed to be talking about something real serious." She answered. "For now, we'll wait by the end of that house!" Kree pointed to the house to the right of Zim's house. They both ran to the right and hid by the side of Zim's fence.
"I see Zair!" Dib whispered. "He's coming up near the blue house over there with a purple dog!" He pointed.
"Some dog, he looks like he's marching in the army." Kree thought.
Zair and the purple dog neared closer and closer to Zim's house. He walked to the front door. Quietly, Dib and Kree snuck behind Zair. Zair knocked on the door. Dib and Kree saw Zim open the door and let Zair in. The junior paranormal investigator duo crept up to the window and watch the conversation:
"I'm so glad that you were willing to put aside all your worthless activities for me." Zair scorned.
"Get to the point, Zair, what do you want?" Zim questioned.
"I want to make a deal with you. Something that will decide who invades Earth, and who goes back to Irk." Zair started.
"Why would I actually agree to any of your offers?" Zim scoffed.
"I'm not done, Zim. Anyway first I want you to meet my SIR." Zim pointed to the purple dog beside him.
The purple dog took off the dog suit and revealed himself as a purple SIR. He went instantly into a salute.
"So?" Zim questioned.
"He's a real advanced SIR, not like your stupid and insane one. I would show you all that my SIR could do, but I don't want you to get jealous." Zair taunted.
"Get to the darn point, Zair." Zim gritted his teeth. He tried to ignore GIR's clashing and banging noise as GIR hit himself.
"Anyway I want to have a battle." Zair began.
"You want us to fight?"
"No, no, not us. Our SIRs! Your SIR against my SIR." Zair sneered.
"GIR." Zim corrected.
"And what does the G stand for?" Zair lowered his eyes.
"Top secret information." Zim smiled mockingly.
Zair glared back. "As I was saying, I want your GIR to battle my SIR. You know, with their utilities and weapons. No help from us at all. The first SIR, or GIR, as you call yours that shuts down explodes, gives up, or gets very badly hurt, loses. The loser goes back to Conventia, reporting to the Tallests that he failed. Winner invades Earth. So, what do you say?" Zair smirked.
"And if I refuse?" Zim questioned.
"I invade Earth myself, and you won't stand in my way." Zair grinned.
Zim was silent. He thought about the offer. If he refused, Zair would go on trying to invade Earth. Zair would ruin all of Zim's plans and invasions, adding one more to the two who already are. If he accepted and lost the battle, he'd have to abandon his invasion and mission and report his failure to the Tallests. Oh, the humiliation! Having to look up at the Tallests' face as they look down on you forever! He'd be disgraced! Banished to Food Courtia again, never to be an invader again! Worst of all, Zair would win and Zim wouldn't get to torment and torture Dib and Kree when he invaded Earth.
Zim looked at GIR. He had a cupcake smeared on top of his head. Zim sighed and shook his head. His chances of winning were slim with GIR. There seemed to be no possible way of winning but he had to accept. It was the only way of getting rid of Zair.
Zim looked at Zair. "Okay, I'll let GIR fight in a battle." Zim glowered.
Zair's grin grew wider. "Tomorrow Zim, after skool, we battle at Levon's Park." Zair told him. Zair turned to his SIR and told him to put his disguise back on. "See ya, Zim." Zair laughed and walked out the door, and away from Zim's house.
Dib slouched back from the window against the wall of Zim's house. "Zim has no chance of winning. Zair will invade Earth and we can hardly do anything to stop him." He groaned.
"You know, you are a bit skeptical, because I do have a way to make sure Zim wins." Kree grinned.
"You do?"
"No, I lied. I have two."
"What are they?"
"I'll tell you later. Dib, tell me what you know about Zair's day. Is he out of the house at any time?" Kree asked.
"Zair will be out in his mini space station for two hours at 5:00 PM." Dib looked at his watch. "He's going there in about, half an hour."
"Where is his SIR at the time?"
"He guards the house, you know, like GIR, except SIR really guards the house." Dib answered.
"We're going to Zair's house." Kree declared.
"Wait, we're not going to destroy that SIR, are we? Isn't that cheating?"
"No, we aren't going to destroy it, but we will cheat, just a little. All's fair in war and invasion anyway, right?"
Dib grinned. "Of course."
"Then come on, let's get going to Zair's house." Kree motioned. They quickly ran out of Zim's yard, down the sidewalk, and to Zair's house. "Here we are. Now let's see, how should we break in . . ." Kree started.
"We're going to break in? How are we going to break in? What if we're caught? Zair could do worse than Zim!" Dib exclaimed.
"La fortune sourit aux audacieux." Kree quoted.
"What does that mean?"
"Fortune smiles to the daring one. Don't worry, we won't get caught. I know so many different ways to break in. The easiest way to break in is using the front door. You just have to keep a look out." Kree explained.
"That's is?" Dib asked.
"Yup. Not hard, is it?" Kree grinned. She pulled out two pairs of headphones. She gave one to Dib and put the other on. "Contact me if you see Zair coming that way. I really doubt it though." Kree opened the front door of Zair's house and walked in. She scanned Zair's living room and saw the purple SIR, sitting on the couch flipping through the TV channels. He held a remote control, his hand flicking to and fro as he pushed the buttons. "I knew it!" Kree thought triumphantly. "Whatcha watching?" She sat next to the SIR on the couch.
"Nothing really." It replied still staring at the TV screen.
"What's your name?" Kree asked.
"ASIR, Advanced Standard Issue Retrieval Unit."
"Are you a female or male?"
"I guess male."
Kree leaned towards the distracted ASIR. She grabbed the purple sphere on top of ASIR's antennae and turned it slightly towards the right. All of a sudden, ASIR became stiff and didn't move. The lights in his eyes went out. Kree grasped the antennae in her hand and pulled. The top of ASIR's head came off and Kree reached into his head and searched for something. She finally pulled out what looked like a remote control. She put it in her pocket and put the top of ASIR's head back on.
"You should wake up in about, 45 minutes." Said Kree. She turned his antennae to the left. "Sweet dreams, hope Zair doesn't get too mad when he sees you."
She quickly, but quietly opened the front door and slipped outside. She closed the door and ran to where Dib was standing.
"Here's the headphone." Dib took off the headphone and handed it to her.
"Thanks." Kree took off hers and put it in her backpack.
"So, what did you do? Did you do what you wanted to do?" Dib asked.
Kree grinned and pulled out the remote control from her pocket. "Mission accomplished."
"What's that for?"
"It's for ASIR, Zair's SIR. Though I'm pretty sure we won't need it, who knows? It's for Plan B." Kree explained.
"So, tell me, what is Plan A?"
Dib and Kree walked out of Zair's yard. She faced Dib. "I'll tell it to you while we walk to your house . . ."