Parent Teacher Night Script

Parent Teacher Night

The skool bell rings and it goes to Ms. Bitters's class. "the Big Bang" is written on the chalkboard in script.

Ms. Bitters: And you, Mary. Right where your head is, before the Big Bang there was nothing there! (Mary stares at her) And outside, where that squirrel is, there was nothing! (points to the squirrel eating an acorn out the window sitting on the barbed wire fence; The whole class is VERY bored) And under your chairs, nothing! (Zim looks at the clock and sees that it's less than a minute till class ends; however, the second had just happened to stop right when it was about to reach the 12): And by that tree, where that dog is, nothing.

It goes into the clock, inside the clock, and there is a purplish bug stuck in the gears. Zim is groaning, gritting his teeth and clinging to his desk. The bug is squished between the gears, its greenish organs are all over the gears, and the clock starts running again. It reaches the 12.

Zim: Ah, phew. (the skool children begin to leave, except Dib)

Ms. Bitters: Don't forget that tonight is parent teacher night. Everyone is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria.

Zim: (stops in doorway and turns around to face Ms. Bitters) I never agreed to attend this parent teacher night!

Ms. Bitters: Yes you did.

Zim: No. You lie! You lie! (waves arms in scratching motion)

Ms. Bitters: Heh. (goes to her desk and opens a drawer, pulls out a disk, sticks it into a computer that is on her desk. She clicks something and the blackboard opens parts showing a view screen. The view screen shows what had happened earlier)

Ms. Bitters: Zim, are you going to bring your parents to Parent Teacher Night?

Zim: (balances pencil on lip) Yeah, sure, whatever.

It ends and the blackboard becomes normal again. Zim looks up and sees the security camera on the ceiling.

Zim: Why would you tape that?

Dib: (starts to pack up stuff) Putting up a lot of fight for something as simple as parent teacher night, Zim. I bet he doesn't even know what parents are!

Zim: Of course I do.

Flashback-Scene; Incubation Station on Irk. There is a large wall that with millions of boxes, each one has a blue face on it: it has two slits for eyes and one slit for a mouth, which are purple. Eyes and mouth turn green and the eyes enlarge up into circles and the mouth becomes a smile. A robotic arm with a claw hand reaches to the face, twists it and pulls the face forward. At the end of the tube is baby Zim in green liquid. Another robotic arm grasps the other end of the tube. Both robotic arms crack the tube in half so that all the green liquid and baby Zim out of the tube. Baby Zim is lying unconscious so another robotic pokes the holes (which smoke is coming out of) in his back and inserts a standard issue Irken backpack into the holes. Another robotic arm zaps electricity into Baby Zim for awhile and Zim awakens.

Computerized Voice: Welcome to life, Irken child. Report for duty.

Baby Zim: (grabs robotic arm and hugs it) I love you, cold unfeeling robot arm!

Reality: Zim is hugging Ms. Bitters. Ms. Bitters growled and Zim quickly lets go.

Ms. Bitters: You will be here tonight, Zim! You and your parents!

Dib: (Zim walks to classroom door) Yeah! See you and your parents tonight, Zim!

Zim: (stops at doorway) Yes. Oh, I will bring my parents. And they shall be the greatest, most parental parent ever!

An Avon saleswoman who sells Avon cosmetics door to door goes to Zim's house while holding a make-up bag. She stops and fixes her hair, then her suit, glances towards one of Zim's lawn gnomes, and then walks up to the front door of Zim's house. The lawn gnome's head turns to her and follows her. Its eyes turn red. The Avon lady rings the doorbell. Inside the walls of Zim's homebase, two metal things clamp together to the ringing of the doorbell, spin around, creating some volts of electricity. In the homebase, circular lights along a wall begin to light up. A huge arm with a rectangular end push into a door shaped hole on a wall. A door opens inside the base and the father decoy wobbles out and goes to the front door. The front door opens.

Father Decoy: Welcome home, son!

Avon Lady: Um, oh, heh. Is the lady of the house in?

Mother Decoy: (pushes father to the side) That's me! I am house lady, brush your teeth!

GIR in his puppy disguise walks through the open door humming a little tune. He sees the bag of Avon make-up; it says "take-make-up" and stares at it.

Avon Lady: Um (clears throat) I'm selling make-up and I just know you'll find something great in-

Mother Decoy (interrupting her): I said brush your teeth!

The Mother Decoy lifts up a toothbrush and tackles the Avon Lady. Down the block from Zim's house, Zim is walking home looking kind of discouraged. A thought cloud pops out next to him with Dib talking in it.

Dib In Zim's Thoughts: I'll see you and your parents tonight, Zim! By the way, it's not called Parent Teacher night, it's called Zim doom parent, Zim doomy Zimmy. . . doom. . . night! (laughs) Watch out for that puppy!

Zim: Huh? (trips over a puppy that is not moving and falls into his yard. He hears a strange noise) Huh? (looks up and sees the Mother Decoy brushing the teeth of the Avon Lady. The Avon Lady is screaming)

Finally, the Avon Lady hits the Mother Decoy with her make-up bag and escapes. GIR chases after her.

GIR: No, wait! Come back! I need that stuff!

Father Decoy: (Zim walks into the house, frustrated as the Parent Decoys back up) Welcome home, son! (wheels backward into a wall)

Mother Decoy: (holding a bag of flour) You want some dinner, sweetheart? (pours the bag of flour on top of Zim's head; Zim wipes the flour off himself as he walks to the couch)

Zim: What am I going to do? I only have a few hours before this . . . (2 spider legs come out of his Irken Utility Unit to boost him up to the couch) . . .Parent Teacher thing. (The Mother Decoy pokes the Father Decoy with a wooden spoon while Zim is talking) The Parent Decoys aren't ready for that kind of service. Their interactive skills are too limited. Unless. . . GIR!

GIR: (GIR has the make-up all over his face from the Avon Lady. The make-up items are all around him) Yes, sir!

Zim: GIR, we have to program the parents to learn human social behavior if they are to join me for parent teacher night.

GIR: Yes sir, right away!

It goes it into a room with 16 televisions hooked up with lots if wires connected to them. The Parent Decoys, with the wires attached to their heads, are strapped to chairs and their eyes are open watching each television with different channels.

TV Person: Failure to rotate stock destroys merchandise!

Another TV Person: You stupid moron!

Yet Another TV Person: Do you have any ideas?

GIR: (GIR goes to a screen where it shows a fence between two houses) Ooh! This is my favorite show! (Then he goes to a screen with the Warner Brothers cartoon) Wait, no, this is my favorite show! (GIR returns to the first TV) Look! It's my favorite show! (Now the screen shows a man walking down the sidewalk in front of the houses. Then an x-ray close-up of his back shows his spine crack)

Man: Ahhhhh! My spine!

The man on the TV falls to the ground and foam comes out of his mouth. "Aspirin" appears on the TV as Zim shakes his head disapprovingly. The TV next to GIR's latest favorite TV show goes from static state to the Scary Monkey Show. GIR hugs the TV playing the Scary Monkey Show.

GIR: I love this show.

Zim: No, GIR! The robot parents must learn proper parenting from this video program!

(Zim holds up a video that says "Proper Earth Parenting" and pops it into a VCR; rights away, every TV starts playing the video. GIR lays his head on a wire and goes to sleep as Zim walks away) Make sure they watch the entire video, GIR. The fate of our mission depends on it!

As Zim slams the door, GIR wakes up. The TVs show a mom and dad showing off their son.

The Earth Mother: We sure are proud of our little boy.

The Earth Father: We sure are!

GIR stops the tape with a remote and starts watching his own shows again. One TV shows a woman standing by a washing machine holding up a pair of pants with grass stains.

Woman: Are you plagued by grass stains?

It goes to another TV and is shows a fat man with a burrito and a glass of hot sauce.

Man: I like burritos . . . but they sure don't like me!

The word "Diarrhea" appears written in blood. Then, it goes to another TV and it shows a woman with a weird hair cut.

Woman: Who does your hair?

Then it goes to another TV and it shows the words "Kung Fu Theater".

Announcer: We now return to our movie in progress. (Then the words, "The Poke of Doom" come up on the same screen as the words, "Kung Fu Theater" disappear) Poke of Doom!

As the Kung Fu show continues, there is a wire that is attached to the chair where the Parent Decoys are sitting in. The Mother Decoy's eye has blue lines of energy going towards the pupil.

GIR: I love this show.

Later in Zim's underground lab, the Parent Decoys stand near the edge of a platform over a deep "hole". Zim flies from the pit and lands in front of the Parent Decoys.

Mother Decoy: Are you ready dear?

Zim: Yes! (makes the "yes" gesture)

Father Decoy: Well then we outta be on our way.

Zim: Yes!

Mother Decoy: We sure are proud of you son.

Father Decoy: (leans forward) We sure arrrrre.... (eyes go all around; his left eye pupil is up and is right eye pupil is down)

GIR: (off screen) I love this show.

Everybody's parents are entering the Skool with the skool children. Lizard Boy wiggles his tongue around in a clear cup held in his mouth to impress another kid. Mr. Elliot, Gaz's teacher, walks up to Dib and Gaz. There is a floating monitor with Professor Membrane on it.

Mr. Elliot: Hey kids, your dad! I never knew he was a floating head!

Dib: No, he's not. My dad's just really busy and he couldn't be here in person. He's transmitting live from his lab across town.

Professor Membrane is shown holding up a test tube and beginning to study it.

Mr. Elliot: Hey, my dad was like that too, you know I understand. It's nice to meet you, professor. (holds his hand out like he's about to shake the floating monitor's hand) I'm Mr. Elliot, heh, your daughter Gaz's teacher!

Gaz: (sighs) Uh . . .

Professor Membrane: I'm sorry but I'm very busy right now. We're testing some highly unstable- Noooooooo! You have the mixture all wrong!

White light overshadows Professor Membrane. An explosion is heard, and a red cloud appears in the window behind Mr. Elliot in the city. There is screaming and sirens heard as Professor Membrane's monitor screen now shows static. Then the hazardous warning symbol appears with the words "lease stand by" on top of it. Smoke continues to rise in the air. Zim walks in the cafeteria with the Parent Decoys behind him, first, standing in the doorway, first unsure whether or not it will go well but then he becomes confident. He and the Parent Decoys walk over to where Ms. Bitters is talking to some parents. Zim clears his throat as Ms. Bitters turns around.

Zim: These are my parents, I love them with all my heart. (The Mother Decoy twists her "body" as the Father Decoy is jolting with sparks of electricity) I must have punch now! (Zim runs away with the Parent Decoys following him)

Ms. Bitters: (turns around to the parents) When you were my students, I said you'd amount to nothing. And I was right, you're nothing!

Zim is standing by the punch table holding a glass of punch. Dib, Gaz, and Professor Membrane in his monitor screen come up to Zim from behind. Dib gets himself a cup of punch.

Dib: Hello, Zim.

Zim: Dib.

Dib: Dad, there's somebody I want you to meet. This is Zim. You know, the alien.

Professor Membrane: (monitor goes closer to Zim and Professor Membrane scratches is chin) And what country is the little green boy from?

Zim: (ignoring Professor Membrane) Yes, yes, that's fascinating. (Zim first runs away, but after a short moment, he comes back and hits the bottom of Dib's cup of punch so it spills all over Dib's face. Gaz laughs from what Zim did. Zim goes to where the Parent Decoys are. They are talking to the Slunchy family. Zim walks over to Billy) So, what's going on?

Billy Slunchy: My mom won't shut up about me! It's really embarrassing!

Mongo Slunchy: At least she's not showing the pictures.

Mrs. Slunchy: Oh, and you've just gotta see these pictures! (Mrs. Slunchy pulls out her wallet and a thing of pictures rolls out. She points to one picture) Now here's Billy crying when he was kicked off the soccer team for crying too much! (laughs as Billy starts to howl and cry)

Mother Decoy: Grass stains sure are tough to get out of those soccer uniforms!

Father Decoy: Sports aren't everything. I'm sure your boy will find... something he's good at. (Zim looks happy as he puts his finger to his chin)

Ted Slunchy: That's true. (Mrs. Slunchy nods) Hey! (Ted turns around and picks up a plate of cookies) Try one of these cookies! My wife made them!

Father Decoy: Thanks, Ted! (takes a cookie and takes a bite. Then, he grabs his stomach in pain. Ted looks angry because he is insulted)

Mother Decoy: Oh no. Honey, is it-

Father Decoy: Yup! Diarrhea!

Parents and students look in the direction of the Parent Decoys. Zim looks nervous and worried.

Mother Decoy: I have just the thing for that! (splashes a cup of punch in the Father Decoy's face. The Father Decoy goes backward and bangs into a wall as electric sparks come out. The Mother Decoy turns to face Mrs. Slunchy) Who does your hair? (starts poking Mrs. Slunchy hard)

Mrs. Slunchy: Ow! Ow! Ow! My head! (screams)

Zim: Mom, I think we should go home now!

Mother Decoy: (turns around as Mrs. Slunchy runs to her husband's arms) Don't tell me what to do, young man! You go to your room! (picks up Zim and drops him in a bowl of punch)

Zim jumps out, soaking with punch. Dib then comes in and dumps a cup of punch over Zim's head. Gaz laughs. The Father Decoy continues to charge into the wall repeatedly, leaving a mark and sparks come out of him.

Mr. Elliot: Hey, is your dad feeling well?

Zim: Yes, he's perfectly fine. (An electric volt jolts the Father Decoy from his feet to his left arm; his arm flies off and lands near Mr. Elliot's feet and wiggles around. Mr. Elliot screams as Dib laughs but he sees the parents around him don't think it's funny) Nothing to worry about! My dad lost his arm in the, uh, the war!

Father Decoy: (on his knees) That was my squeezing' arm. They took my squeezing arm! Why my squeezing arm?! (screams; so does Mrs. Slunchy)

Billy Slunchy: Quit poking my mom's head!(Zim grabs the Father Decoy's arm and drags him to where the Mother Decoy is poking Mrs. Slunchy)

Zim: Look, mom, we really have to go! Please. Now, please!

Mother Decoy: (turns around to Zim) Honey, you're upset!

Zim: Yes! And I want to go home!

Mother Decoy: I know what'll cheer you up.

The Parent Decoys begin their infamous River Dance. Meanwhile, Dib is leaning back at the punch table, eating a doughnut in one hand and sipping punch with the other. Then he points to the Parent Decoys.

Dib: Look everyone, look! (Only a few people pay attention to Dib and turn around. Most are looking at Mrs. Slunchy and Billy Slunchy is crying)

Woman Who Turned Around: Can't you see this woman is suffering from severe pokie trauma?!

Zim: (The Parent Decoys continue to River Dance) Uh, mom, dad? I think I've broken my spine! My spine! (screams and hyperventilates)

Mother Decoy: (stops dancing) Aw, honey. I think it's time we took you home. (picks him up and cradles Zim. Zim smiles triumphantly but then the Parent Decoy's legs turn into jet rockets and they fly away, crashing into the window)

Dib: (lowers his eyes, annoyed) Lemme guess. Nobody saw that, right? (No one listens to him, still paying attention to Mrs. Slunchy. Dib chucks his cup of punch to the ground)

Man: Hey! (everyone turns around to Dib) That kid's throwing punch!

A dark black shadow slithers through the crowd of parents and it becomes Ms. Bitters in front of Dib and she hisses at him. A clock shows 12:15.